Down pat: when, how and why to pat your pet

It’s hard to resist the urge to pat every cute dog or cat you encounter.

But wait: just as you wouldn’t enjoy an unsolicited touching by a stranger, the animal may not be ready and willing either. And what works for Archer the yellow lab likely won’t apply to Trevor the tabby. 

So when is the best time to pat a dog or cat? Where do they prefer to be stroked? And what do they get out of it? Our pets have the answers to these questions, even if they can’t vocalise them. 

Permission to pat

While it’s tempting to jump right in and give a good boy a vigorous head rub, it’s important to remember that the dog may not be ready for you to do so. Therefore, it’s on you to ask first – whether it’s the owner or the animal. Gently pat your own leg and call the dog to you. Once you have permission from the owner and the dog or cat has approached you, it’s patting time. 

When to pat

There are a number of green lights (and red lights) the animal will signal to let you know the best way to initiate a patting session. Always be aware of an animal’s body language.

 Green lights 

• The animal knows you’re there and approaches you. 

• For dogs, a wagging tail is a good sign they’re in the mood for physical attention.  

• Cats should have their tail and ears up, or be lying down with their belly exposed. Both are signs the cat is relaxed and ready to receive you. 

• If the animal stays with you after three tentative pats. 

Red lights 

• Tense body language – bared teeth, growling – is a strong ‘leave me alone’ statement. 

• If the animal is eating, sleeping or, in the case of guide or assistance dogs, working, it’s not time to pat. 

• Dogs that are playing with other dogs, turning away or tucking their tail do not want a pat. 

• For cats, ears that are flattened or pulled back are a sign that they want to be left alone. 

By staying with you or moving away after the initial contact, dogs and cats are making their choice. It’s important to respect that choice and either move away yourself if required, or continue to pat. 

How to pat

There are ways and places to pat that carefully acclimatise dogs and cats to the experience. Ease a dog in by standing side-on; thrusting a hand into their face or head can be an aggressive act to a dog. Offer your hand to sniff, then start with short strokes on the chest, shoulders or side of the neck.  

After a few pats, pause to give the dog a moment to choose whether to continue. When you have your answer, continue to pat calmly and slowly. If at any time the dog moves away, let them go; they’re letting you know they’ve had enough. If they want more, they’ll come to you. 

In the case of cats, it’s best to let them come to you first. Stroke the cheeks, chin or forehead, but stay away from the tummy or tail. Cats aren’t shy about letting you know what they’re thinking, so pause often to give them a chance to disengage. 

Don’t do this!

Dogs: 

• Don’t approach head on; instead, stand side-on. 

• Avoid patting the top of the head, tail, paws or stomach unless you know the dog well. 

• Never pat a dog while they’re sleeping, eating, guarding or showing signs of stress. 

Cats:

• Don’t overstimulate the cat with vigorous patting; stay calm and still. 

• Avoid the stomach, tail and legs unless the cat is familiar with you. 

• Never pat a cat if their tail is flicking, their ears are back or they’re hiding or pulling away. 

Why pat?

Patting is a stress reliever for both sides of the transaction. Dogs and cats are social animals, so a patting session doubles as bonding. Regular and predictable human contact that also feels nice satisfies their need for attention and companionship. 

In dogs especially, patting releases a ‘love hormone’ called oxytocin, which is calming and strengthens the sense of bonding. It’s a two-way street: humans experience releases of oxytocin, dopamine and cortisol – all stress-reducing hormones – when patting their furry friends. 

The gentle action of patting is a universal statement of affection. Your pet understands what you’re saying when you sit down for a cuddle and a pat at the end of the day. Do it right, and your relationship is much stronger for it.